Listen. Ich mag Listen.

• There’s no bigger red flag than when a woman adores Marilynn Monroe.
• Unless you work on a ranch or perform country music for a living, never wear a cowboy hat. For every person who thinks you look cool, they’re 30 that think you look like an idiot.
• No “good ideas” happen after 2am.
• Spending $5 at a kid’s lemonade stand will make you ten times as happy as spending $5 at your local coffee shop.
• Buy nice pieces of furniture one at a time and keep them for years. There is no worse look than an apartment completely covered in fake Ikea wood.
• Confidence and personality trump good looks every time.
• When at a theme park, ask if you can sit in the front seat. You might have to wait five minutes longer, but it’ll always be worth it.
• Never be afraid to put a wager on something with a friend, but always pay your debts immediately.
  
• Pushing someone into a pool is never a good idea. Especially when you have to replace a $600 iPhone half the time.
• Valet is almost always worth it and it’s a requirement when on dates. Keep some emergency fivers in your glove compartment for times when you don’t have cash on you.
• Wash your car at least twice a month. You’ll be happier and more confident in a clean car, regardless of the make and model.
• Your significant other will never tire of receiving flowers. But make sure to never hand her a bouquet wrapped in see-through plastic with a grocery store sticker on it.
• If you catch a baseball at a ball game, never ever keep it for yourself. Find the youngest kid near you and toss it to him or her.
• Always open the door for a woman.
• A thoughtful thank you note goes an extremely long way.
• Never ask for an autograph, no matter how famous the person is.
• Paying a little extra to get out of the cheap seats is always worth it.
• When traveling, make sure to always fully unpack. Hang your clothes in the closet and put your bag away. It’s easier to relax and be comfortable when you’re not living out of a suitcase.
• There’s absolutely nothing wrong with going to the movies by yourself, especially if it’s a matinee. There is, however, something wrong with taking your significant other to see Expendables 3.
• Speaking of movies, always arrive early and get a middle seat towards the back. The better viewing experience is worth the extra 10-20 minutes of your time time.
• When a girl at a bar asks you what you do for a living, tell her you’re a dolphin trainer. If you’re a little overweight, tell her you’re a Calvin Klien underwear model. It will almost always get a laugh.
• It’s not worth having a serious girlfriend until after you graduate college. Summer flings should provide enough relationship experience.
• Never take a selfie.
• Start your mornings with ice cold showers, it’ll wake you up like a fog horn. If you can’t stand the idea of it, work up a sweat by mixing running in place, dips and pushups until the relief of ice cold water sounds amazing.
• Have a favorite band, a favorite song, a favorite book and a favorite movie.
• Invite people personally, not through Facebook.
• Shop with your significant other, but never for yourself. It’s rude to keep her waiting while you try on a shirt at Nordstrom. Do that solo.
• A graphic tee is (almost) always a bad idea. Don’t be a walking advertisement.
• If you’re thinking about posting something political on social media, don’t.
• A goatee is a good way to look ten years older. You shouldn’t want to look ten years older.
• If you’re unsure of the dress code, wear a suit.
• Never compliment the best looking girl in the room, she’s already heard the same line a million times. She’s looking for someone who stands out. Instead, tease her.
• Never buy a new car if you’re pulling in less than seven figures a year. Only suckers do that. Buy used or lease.
• At a car dealership, always walk away, even if you’re already sold. Most of the time, they’ll chase after you with a better deal.
• The closer you can keep your diet limited to meat, fish, nuts, eggs and veggies, the better you’ll look. Treat bread and carbs like they’re desert—an “every once in a while” treat.
• Don’t drink calories. Water and unsweetened ice tea will help keep that body of yours looking good. Soda has so much sugar in it, you might as well be melting Skittles and drinking that.
• Adding two dozens hashtags to your Instagram post is for those who think their life isn’t good enough to get likes on its own.
• It’s a first date, not an interview. Skip the questions and let her do the talking.
• Speaking of first dates, if you’re taking her to dinner and a movie, you’re doing it all wrong. Try something different—she’s done that song and dance a couple dozen times before.
• DVR is good for a lot of things, but not for the big game.
• Skip Cartier or Tiffany’s when buying an engagement ring. She’ll prefer size over what name is on the box.
• Listening to non-fiction audiobooks when driving is a good way to take in a lot of useful information when you’d otherwise be subject to bad radio ads.
• A restaurant is a place to eat and enjoy good company. Not take photos of your food.
• Never be the center of attention on the dance floor.
• Always pick her up. Never meet here there.
• Nothing says “trying too hard” like a monogram on a shirt or sweater.
• Never talk about your gym routine or diet. Let the results speak for themselves.
• Don’t cook for her unless you have the skills to seriosuly impress. She won’t find it cute that you’re painfully bad at something.
• Never wear a suit off the rack. Taking it to your tailor is worth every penny.
• Want what you have. That’s happiness.